You can't special order awesome
well you can't waste a boner
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
