She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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