I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
