I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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