btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize