Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
