You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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