The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
