By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
