i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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