Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why is there bacon in the couch?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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