Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
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Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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