I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
