shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
