There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
