also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
