I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
