you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
