You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
