Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize