Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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