He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
