I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
