My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
