She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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