...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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