I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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