Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
