she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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