i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
