Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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