batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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