got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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