the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
