I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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