More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
