I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
