well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
