The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
