She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
