all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
