I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
