he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he puts the penis in happiness.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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