Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
