At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize