just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
