I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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