I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Drake has all the answers
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