I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
