LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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