Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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