I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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