Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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