why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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