Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
