Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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