Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
