just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
