Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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