I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
