it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
