We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
