You can't motorboat a personality
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
