my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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