Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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