Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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