At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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