Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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