Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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