i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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