and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
