Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
