you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
