so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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