I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
