OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
