$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
