Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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