Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
