he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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