my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
last night I used snow as a chaser
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
