Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
