i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize