the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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