so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
