i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
