i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
