im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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