Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
