dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
