he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
