I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
