Umm I'm too high to move.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
