Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
