Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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